Tag: sobriety rocks

Killing mysElf

I would do ANYTHING when I was wasted. People would say oh I bet no one would do this (insert something ridiculous, dangerous, or illegal) and I’d happily volunteer. Consequences never crossed my mind. I literally cannot BELIEVE I’m still alive. I’d pride myself on being the badass drunk chick

Not shitfaced

A long time ago my life revolved around alcohol. I didn’t go anywhere alcohol wasn’t being served. I pre-gamed and post-gamed with a drink or five. I always had a few “roadies” to make sure I was sufficiently drunk before I showed up at an event. It seemed that I

Bandaid

The little things I used to do to hide my drinking stopped working for me. As the problem got bigger and bigger so did my lies, justifications, and “solutions”. It was exhausting. My physical health was deteriorating quickly too and the hangover remedies that helped ten years ago didn’t help

Who the fuck

I’ve been trying to get to the why of my addictions. Why did I self sabotage for so many years? Why didn’t I love myself enough to get and stay sober and instead ingested and smoked copious amounts of poison? Where was the love for myself that I easily showed

IsMs

I knew I was an alcoholic but I didn’t know all that entailed. I thought if I could just quit drinking my life would fall into place. Putting the bottle down was a start. It was so huge. When I had a week sober I wanted to tell everyone I

Obsession

By the end of my drinking days, it was such hard work keeping a double life going. I was exhausted. I’d wake up wishing I could stay in bed all day, then force myself through my work day and parenting. Alcohol permeated my whole day. I’d start in the morning

Booooring

I wish I had a crystal ball to see into the future back when I was afraid to quit drinking. I stayed in the cups far too long thinking that I’d be missing out on life if I got sober. I had no idea that the life I was living

Heaven

It didn’t surprise anyone in my life to hear I was going to rehab. I’d been showing up as an alcoholic since I was 16 years old. What did surprise them was the fact that I got and stayed sober. If I was a gambler I’d have placed my bet

Epic

I look at past relationships sometimes and wonder what the hell I was thinking. I do believe that people come into our lives for a reason but I seemed to let the worst people for me stay. When I was in active addiction I didn’t think I deserved better. I

NYE

I’ve done each of these things and countless more to “celebrate” ringing in a brand new year. Seems pathetic now that I look at it. The horrible feeling of waking up on New Year’s Day resigned to more disappointment in myself and my behavior from the night before. Resigning myself

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