Killing mysElf

I would do ANYTHING when I was wasted. People would say oh I bet no one would do this (insert something ridiculous, dangerous, or illegal) and I’d happily volunteer. Consequences never crossed my mind. I literally cannot BELIEVE I’m still alive. I’d pride myself on being the badass drunk chick

Not shitfaced

A long time ago my life revolved around alcohol. I didn’t go anywhere alcohol wasn’t being served. I pre-gamed and post-gamed with a drink or five. I always had a few “roadies” to make sure I was sufficiently drunk before I showed up at an event. It seemed that I

Ethanol

We talk about the effects of alcohol in one of our latest podcasts. Ethanol is a solvent: it breaks down and destroys. That’s it’s job. It’s my job not to consciously ingest it anymore. Physically my body was breaking down when I was drinking. I was puffy, the spider veins

Don’t worry

I wonder how much time I’ve dedicated in my life to worrying about what people think. I’m sure it would add up to YEARS. I started drinking because it was the thing to do. My parents drank, their friends drank, and anyone who was anyone in my eyes drank. It

Bitch please

I don’t fantasize about drinking anymore. Which is crazy. But I sure used to. I’d glance at people enjoying a lunch on a gorgeous spring day, with a fresh basket of bread and wine in glasses that catch the light. Laughing and clinking glasses and sipping while eating and chatting.

Sloppy

I hate seeing videos and photos of my alcohol – infused days and nights. I can’t change the past or live in shame but I can remember it so I don’t repeat the same mistakes. I’m not sad that my major partying days weren’t during the time of social media

Sobriety Isn’t All Sunshine and Rainbows

When I first got sober, after I got through the horrible first weeks of wanting a drink so badly, I felt pretty great. I had more energy. I liked waking up with a clear head and a clear conscience. I was proud to step up again as a parent. I

Bandaid

The little things I used to do to hide my drinking stopped working for me. As the problem got bigger and bigger so did my lies, justifications, and “solutions”. It was exhausting. My physical health was deteriorating quickly too and the hangover remedies that helped ten years ago didn’t help

Who the fuck

I’ve been trying to get to the why of my addictions. Why did I self sabotage for so many years? Why didn’t I love myself enough to get and stay sober and instead ingested and smoked copious amounts of poison? Where was the love for myself that I easily showed

No obseSsion

It’s so crazy how much I thought I’d miss alcohol in my life. I could not imagine my life without it. I tried! And I pictured every future fantasy with a wine glass in my hand. Then I couldn’t imagine going on drinking like I was. It was exhausting to

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