What do i deserve

This was a hard pill to swallow. And I’ve never had problems taking pills 🤪 My mind was blown when I actually started to believe this – feelings AREN’T facts. They sure did seem to be, though .Then I remember. How many times did I FEEL like I needed a

Did i flash you?

And can we talk about the oversharing?! I told the most random people things that I’d sworn I’d take to the grave. Once I was at a work party on a boat – a booze cruise if you will. I was wearing the cutest strapless dress and I thought I

Add on problems

How I didn’t see this for years is beyond me. Sure I knew that I got into trouble when I drank- I’m known to take any dare that’s thrown my way. I’ve also had legal and financial problems due to my drinking. These problems helped me justify my alcohol use


My sister and I don’t keep anything on the DL. What you see is what you get. That’s why I think it’s so funny that we could think, even for a second, that no one would know if we started drinking again. Give me a week of the sauce and


I used to get so excited for big events where I would have something to celebrate. These events always involved partying hard and living to tell about it. One of my (many) problems, though, was that I’d get so excited a few days before the big event, drink way too

Nobody liked me

I’d wonder which of my endless personalities would show up for a night of drinking. Will I be cute and silly? Will I be sexy and sophisticated? Will I cry, get mad, get asked to leave? I didn’t know. I do know that I can’t know. Once I take a

No mas

Sure I get embarrassed. I’m sometimes anxious. I can do things I’m not proud of. But i hope to never go back to the unmanageable way of life I had before I went alcohol free. The anxiety and panic I felt after a night of drinking lasted for DAYS. The

Mr Yuk

A few years ago I heard someone share that when they see a bottle, they picture it with a skull and crossbones sticker on it. She said that alcohol was and always will be poison to her. When I got triggered to drink I’d picture the exact same thing. When


The cycle of my drinking “problem” didn’t change. I’d start each day with an impending sense of doom, try not to have more than a few panic attacks, convince myself that my life is so hard I need to drink, then do it all over again. One of the craziest

Red flag

I never had a few. I never even had a couple. I did have as many as I could possibly ingest and actually had more than that. I can’t tell you how many times I’d drink to the point of puking, only to continue drinking. My body wanted to force

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